1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,467
[Sheep bleating]
2
00:00:05,403 --> 00:00:06,670
So, who's gonna do it?
3
00:00:06,671 --> 00:00:08,104
- I don't want to do it.
- Well, I'm not doing it.
4
00:00:08,105 --> 00:00:09,473
- Can Brick do it?
- He's just a kid.
5
00:00:09,474 --> 00:00:10,574
You can't ask him to do it.
6
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,476
Okay.
7
00:00:12,477 --> 00:00:14,077
I will do it.
8
00:00:14,078 --> 00:00:15,312
Frankie: What's more nerve-wracking
9
00:00:15,313 --> 00:00:17,948
than getting into college?
10
00:00:17,949 --> 00:00:20,317
Opening the financial-aid package.
11
00:00:20,318 --> 00:00:22,085
Should I do it fast or slow?
12
00:00:22,086 --> 00:00:23,720
Fast. No, slow! No, fast!
13
00:00:23,721 --> 00:00:25,455
Oh, God, I can't remember
the band-aid rule.
14
00:00:25,456 --> 00:00:26,456
Just open it!
15
00:00:26,457 --> 00:00:28,358
Okay.
16
00:00:28,359 --> 00:00:29,359
Uh...
17
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,261
What's it say? What's it say?
18
00:00:31,262 --> 00:00:33,029
Uh... I don't know.
19
00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:35,131
Is this for one year or four years?
20
00:00:35,132 --> 00:00:36,800
Oh, my God, how can I go to college
21
00:00:36,801 --> 00:00:38,635
if I can't even figure out
the financial-aid letter?!
22
00:00:38,636 --> 00:00:39,703
[Breathing heavily]
23
00:00:39,704 --> 00:00:42,572
I see room and board. I see tuition.
24
00:00:42,573 --> 00:00:44,574
Yes. They're giving us
everything we needed!
25
00:00:44,575 --> 00:00:45,842
We're poor!
26
00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:47,477
Whoo! [Laughs]
27
00:00:47,478 --> 00:00:49,746
- Yeah! We did it!
- Oh! Whoo!
28
00:00:49,747 --> 00:00:52,382
I told you we were poor enough.
I never stopped believing.
29
00:00:52,383 --> 00:00:54,184
You know, if we'd have
worked a little bit harder,
30
00:00:54,185 --> 00:00:55,419
none of this would be possible.
31
00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:57,187
Oh, I just love America so much!
32
00:00:57,188 --> 00:00:58,889
Oh, hell, I love America, too.
33
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:00,690
America's the best! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
34
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:01,892
[Gasps]
35
00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:03,927
This means I can go to
prospective-students weekend!
36
00:01:03,928 --> 00:01:05,095
Ahh!
37
00:01:05,096 --> 00:01:06,797
Mom, do you think Axl would
let me stay with him?
38
00:01:06,798 --> 00:01:07,931
Come on, Sue.
39
00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:09,365
We can't ask for two miracles in one day.
40
00:01:10,401 --> 00:01:11,401
[Chuckling] Mm!
41
00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:12,469
[School bell rings]
42
00:01:12,470 --> 00:01:13,503
[Knock on door]
43
00:01:13,504 --> 00:01:15,071
Hey, Dr. fulton. You got a second?
44
00:01:15,072 --> 00:01:16,440
Yeah. Uh, come on. Yeah, come on in.
45
00:01:16,441 --> 00:01:17,474
Have a seat.
46
00:01:17,475 --> 00:01:20,310
So, what can I help you with?
47
00:01:20,311 --> 00:01:23,113
Well, I'm hatching a plan to
infiltrate a friend group.
48
00:01:23,114 --> 00:01:24,581
- Uh-huh.
- [Clears throat]
49
00:01:24,582 --> 00:01:26,883
Uh...
50
00:01:26,884 --> 00:01:29,686
Is this the friend group
you're talking about?
51
00:01:29,687 --> 00:01:31,288
- No.
- Ah!
52
00:01:31,289 --> 00:01:33,190
I've singled out a few kids
in my robotics club...
53
00:01:33,191 --> 00:01:34,291
Dante and Parker.
54
00:01:34,292 --> 00:01:35,559
Their friend Max is moving to New York
55
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,360
because his parents think
he can do commercials.
56
00:01:37,361 --> 00:01:40,697
I personally don't see
it, but I wish him luck.
57
00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:43,133
Anyway, this is my chance to
get in with the other two.
58
00:01:43,134 --> 00:01:44,701
They're gonna need a new third.
59
00:01:44,702 --> 00:01:45,702
Ohh, I don't know.
60
00:01:45,703 --> 00:01:47,437
When it comes to friendship,
61
00:01:47,438 --> 00:01:49,439
three isn't always a good number.
62
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,540
[Chuckles]
63
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:51,875
Have you not heard of the third wheel?
64
00:01:51,876 --> 00:01:52,943
It's classic.
65
00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,444
Like in a tricycle...
66
00:01:54,445 --> 00:01:56,446
The third wheel is what provides stability.
67
00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:58,315
Okay, well, what about these boys
68
00:01:58,316 --> 00:02:00,617
makes you think they'll
be receptive to you?
69
00:02:00,618 --> 00:02:02,452
Well, Parker got assigned
to me in science lab,
70
00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:03,753
and he didn't groan.
71
00:02:03,754 --> 00:02:05,388
And the whole time we worked
together, he tolerated me.
72
00:02:05,389 --> 00:02:08,458
Ooh, tolerating is progress.
73
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:09,860
I'm gonna make my move this Saturday
74
00:02:09,861 --> 00:02:11,728
on the trip to the robotics
exhibit at the museum.
75
00:02:11,729 --> 00:02:14,364
Mm. [Clears throat]
76
00:02:14,365 --> 00:02:16,132
Pretend this is the bus. Ah.
77
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:17,367
[Clears throat]
78
00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,636
When we're lining up to get on,
79
00:02:19,637 --> 00:02:22,272
I slip in between Dante and Parker.
80
00:02:22,273 --> 00:02:25,275
Once we're in, Dante sits down first.
81
00:02:25,276 --> 00:02:26,843
I immediately sit next to him.
82
00:02:26,844 --> 00:02:28,745
If for some reason that doesn't work,
83
00:02:28,746 --> 00:02:30,914
I've got Parker right
behind me as a backup.
84
00:02:30,915 --> 00:02:32,916
I'm guaranteed to sit with one of them.
85
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:34,417
That's a good plan.
86
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,686
But remember... once
you're in, do not leave,
87
00:02:36,687 --> 00:02:39,189
all right, because... well,
here, let me show you.
88
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:44,160
Once, I... I left to go get
a coffee stirrer, right?
89
00:02:44,161 --> 00:02:45,829
Then the next thing I know,
90
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:47,831
that ponytailed, tofu-head barista
91
00:02:47,832 --> 00:02:49,533
is sitting with Shelly.
92
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,835
They're getting married on Saturday.
93
00:02:51,836 --> 00:02:53,203
Yeah.
94
00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:55,705
Do you know I can't drink
coffee anymore, Brick?
95
00:02:55,706 --> 00:02:57,040
I did not.
96
00:02:57,041 --> 00:02:58,375
[Groans]
97
00:02:58,376 --> 00:02:59,942
[Toy clatters] [Sighs]
98
00:03:02,446 --> 00:03:04,680
[Cellphone vibrates]
99
00:03:04,681 --> 00:03:06,549
Oh, my God!
100
00:03:06,550 --> 00:03:08,351
My sister's coming for the weekend.
101
00:03:08,352 --> 00:03:09,785
Aw! Lucky.
102
00:03:09,786 --> 00:03:11,387
Yeah. So lucky.
103
00:03:11,388 --> 00:03:12,421
Hold up.
104
00:03:12,422 --> 00:03:13,756
When you call Sue a loser
105
00:03:13,757 --> 00:03:15,257
and tell her she has a face like a butt
106
00:03:15,258 --> 00:03:17,059
and if they wrote a book
about her, it'd be called
107
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:18,561
"are you there God? It's me, Dorkaret,"
108
00:03:18,562 --> 00:03:19,862
you're just joking, right?
109
00:03:19,863 --> 00:03:21,630
'Cause I'm super tight with my family.
110
00:03:21,631 --> 00:03:23,432
So, if all that mean stuff was for real
111
00:03:23,433 --> 00:03:25,901
and you didn't have a good
relationship with your sister,
112
00:03:25,902 --> 00:03:28,236
that'd be a deal breaker for me.
113
00:03:29,606 --> 00:03:31,874
Duh. Obvi, I'm joking. [Laughs]
114
00:03:31,875 --> 00:03:32,908
Oh. [Laughs]
115
00:03:33,609 --> 00:03:35,610
Ah, it's a good thing you get my comedy
116
00:03:35,611 --> 00:03:38,246
'cause if you didn't, that'd
be a deal breaker for me.
117
00:03:38,247 --> 00:03:39,481
[Laughs]
118
00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:41,283
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to text my sis.
119
00:03:41,284 --> 00:03:44,092
God, I love her so much.
120
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,163
[Chuckles]
121
00:03:46,089 --> 00:03:47,822
- [Cellphone beeps]
- Oh!
122
00:03:49,592 --> 00:03:53,601
Um, I texted Axl if I could
stay with him this weekend,
123
00:03:53,602 --> 00:03:54,929
and he just texted back,
124
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,384
"awesome, can't wait to see you."
125
00:03:57,385 --> 00:03:59,177
Is there an emoticon with it,
126
00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:00,817
- like sad face barfing?
- No.
127
00:04:00,818 --> 00:04:02,470
Hey, maybe it's an April fools' joke.
128
00:04:02,471 --> 00:04:04,148
That's still a few days away.
129
00:04:04,149 --> 00:04:07,089
Oh, but maybe he's setting me up
for something when I'm there.
130
00:04:07,090 --> 00:04:08,826
You know what? I don't care!
131
00:04:08,827 --> 00:04:10,585
I'm going to college for the weekend!
132
00:04:10,586 --> 00:04:11,808
Whoo!
133
00:04:13,348 --> 00:04:15,817
Oh, hey, mom, what snacks are
you bringing on the field trip?
134
00:04:15,818 --> 00:04:17,118
What are you talking about?
135
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,358
You signed up to chaperone the field trip
136
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,427
to the robotics exhibit in
Indianapolis on Saturday.
137
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,629
Mm, that doesn't sound like me.
138
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:26,331
Yeah. Remember back in
September when I asked you?
139
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,332
Do you want to do
140
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,834
the back-to-school breakfast next week?
141
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,002
Ew. No.
142
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,403
- Halloween party?
- Negatory.
143
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,905
Thanksgiving feed the homeless?
144
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,473
Too soon. Don't stop till you hit April.
145
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,908
You want to do one of the later ones,
146
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,376
so when the school runs out of money,
147
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,510
they cancel it.
148
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,312
[Sighs]
149
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:42,347
And, hey, you'll get to see me in action.
150
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:43,816
I plan to infiltrate a friend group.
151
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,818
Just keeps getting better.
152
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,620
At least I wasn't the only one
having a crappy Saturday.
153
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:49,888
For the past year,
154
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,423
whenever big Mike was out of the house,
155
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:52,825
Rusty would call Mike to come over
156
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,294
and secretly weed out the junk.
157
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,328
Oh, good, you got a head start.
158
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:57,329
Oh, no.
159
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,465
Just catching up on my news. [Chuckles]
160
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,266
Reagan died.
161
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,434
Rusty, we got to move here.
162
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:03,702
We don't know when dad's coming back.
163
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:05,270
Oh, no worries.
164
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:08,273
I already got rid of a C.B.
radio and five microwaves.
165
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:09,775
Whoa. Don't throw out
too much of one thing,
166
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:10,843
or he'll notice.
167
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:11,944
Remember... we're just thinning.
168
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,479
Oh, I didn't do it yet.
169
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,648
No, I just put post-its on
them so you could do it.
170
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,650
Not really post-its.
171
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,520
Actually, just... just little
pieces of toilet paper.
172
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,490
Okay.
173
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:26,592
[Knock on door]
174
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,527
You're here! Whoo!
175
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,796
I'm glad you made it safe!
I was worried about you!
176
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:31,930
- [Door closes]
- You were?
177
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,500
Oh, come here, you! [Grunts]
178
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,302
We're gonna have so much fun!
179
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,905
[Chuckling] Aah! Unh!
180
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,876
So, we were off to the robotics exhibit.
181
00:05:42,877 --> 00:05:45,768
Operation infiltration was on.
182
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:59,187
[Indistinct conversations]
183
00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,162
Hey, guys, plenty of room over here.
184
00:06:17,163 --> 00:06:18,454
It's okay. I'm fine.
185
00:06:18,455 --> 00:06:20,694
Oh, really? 'Cause you
look kind of squished.
186
00:06:20,695 --> 00:06:22,359
I don't know why you'd want to be squished.
187
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,470
It's a long trip.
188
00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:25,183
There are certain safety regulations,
189
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,103
so maybe you should just move over here.
190
00:06:27,104 --> 00:06:28,583
Parker: I don't want to.
191
00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:30,775
Hi. I'm Parker's mom. Is everything okay?
192
00:06:30,776 --> 00:06:33,158
Oh, yeah, it's just
they're kind of squished,
193
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:34,374
and this seat is open,
194
00:06:34,375 --> 00:06:36,070
so I thought Parker could
just scooch on over.
195
00:06:36,071 --> 00:06:38,070
Oh, they're good. He's with his friends.
196
00:06:38,071 --> 00:06:39,518
Well, he can still talk to his friends.
197
00:06:39,519 --> 00:06:41,455
It's not like he can't see them. [Laughs]
198
00:06:41,456 --> 00:06:43,399
"Oh, I'm two feet away.
Where are my friends?"
199
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,526
[Both laugh]
200
00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:46,597
Oh, I don't want him up and
around when the bus is moving.
201
00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:48,855
It'll just take a second.
202
00:06:48,856 --> 00:06:51,046
We can scooch my man Parker on over,
203
00:06:51,047 --> 00:06:53,902
and then we can all sit and
be safe and good and great.
204
00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:56,214
Let's just let it go. They're fine.
205
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,726
Driver, we're good.
206
00:06:57,727 --> 00:07:00,656
[Engine turns over]
207
00:07:03,415 --> 00:07:05,006
Hey, I'm making my own vitamins now.
208
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,015
You want in?
209
00:07:06,016 --> 00:07:07,862
Isn't that a big undertaking?
210
00:07:07,863 --> 00:07:10,239
No, not if you don't involve the FDA.
211
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,182
All they do is dilute the potency.
212
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,132
They don't want you living a long time.
213
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:17,668
They made the ebola to guard area 51.
214
00:07:18,843 --> 00:07:21,747
We got all our cash tied up in
food and shelter right now.
215
00:07:21,748 --> 00:07:23,955
But if something changes,
I'll let you know.
216
00:07:23,956 --> 00:07:25,084
[Hands clap]
217
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,971
Wow. Our old room!
218
00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:33,274
He hasn't changed anything
from when we were growing up.
219
00:07:33,275 --> 00:07:36,626
All this time I've been
staying in the tire room,
220
00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,352
I could have been living here.
221
00:07:38,353 --> 00:07:39,544
My dirt!
222
00:07:39,545 --> 00:07:40,977
[Laughs]
223
00:07:40,978 --> 00:07:43,625
Ah, you remember when pet rocks took off?
224
00:07:43,626 --> 00:07:46,913
Ah. I thought pet dirt
would be right behind it.
225
00:07:46,914 --> 00:07:49,753
That's seven years of my
life I'd like to get back.
226
00:07:53,737 --> 00:07:55,408
There she is!
227
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:56,745
Oh, man.
228
00:07:56,746 --> 00:07:59,592
That's when pointies meant something.
229
00:07:59,593 --> 00:08:01,681
Ha. Now you see them everywhere.
230
00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:06,705
Hey! Hey, Mike, look at this.
231
00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:09,070
[Chuckles]
232
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:10,542
We should finish our game.
233
00:08:10,543 --> 00:08:13,014
What? No. We're not here to goof around.
234
00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:15,115
We're here to trick dad
and sneak out his stuff.
235
00:08:15,116 --> 00:08:17,371
Well, that makes sense you
wouldn't want to finish
236
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,123
because I was winning.
237
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,067
You weren't winning. I had more countries.
238
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,916
Yeah, but I had just rolled a 6.
239
00:08:22,917 --> 00:08:24,499
I was about to take over Asia.
240
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,604
Wait. Wait. I remember now.
241
00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,062
You rolled a 6 off the board.
242
00:08:28,063 --> 00:08:29,315
- It doesn't count.
- Does.
243
00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:30,318
- Doesn't.
- Does.
244
00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,785
Just 'cause you keep saying
"does" doesn't make it true.
245
00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:34,361
Well, no, being true makes it true.
246
00:08:34,362 --> 00:08:38,273
Fine. I'll let you roll
again, see what you get.
247
00:08:38,274 --> 00:08:39,326
Okay.
248
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,890
[Laughter]
249
00:08:48,054 --> 00:08:49,691
All right, Axl, what is going on?
250
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:51,849
- What? Nothing.
- Oh, please!
251
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:53,873
You didn't shoot any straws
at me at the restaurant.
252
00:08:53,874 --> 00:08:55,061
You didn't lick my bread
253
00:08:55,062 --> 00:08:56,153
and then put it back on my plate.
254
00:08:56,154 --> 00:08:58,547
The whole day, you have
been calling me "Sue."
255
00:08:58,548 --> 00:09:01,286
Look, there's nothing going on, hmm?
256
00:09:01,287 --> 00:09:03,661
The thing is, maybe it's
you getting into college,
257
00:09:03,662 --> 00:09:05,061
maybe it's you getting your braces off
258
00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:06,205
after four million years,
259
00:09:06,206 --> 00:09:07,989
but you're not the same dork you were.
260
00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:10,045
So I'm trying to treat you the way
261
00:09:10,046 --> 00:09:11,813
you said you always wanted me to treat you.
262
00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:13,557
Unless, of course,
263
00:09:13,558 --> 00:09:15,780
now you're saying you don't want me to.
264
00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:17,357
What? No. No, no, no.
265
00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:22,156
If you mean it... that's great.
266
00:09:22,157 --> 00:09:24,487
It's like a dream come true.
267
00:09:24,488 --> 00:09:28,021
Sue couldn't believe her new
relationship with her brother.
268
00:09:29,606 --> 00:09:31,909
But then Axl made one fatal error.
269
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:35,797
He kissed her for the
first time in his life.
270
00:09:35,798 --> 00:09:39,437
Calling her by her actual name
was one thing, but a kiss?
271
00:09:39,438 --> 00:09:41,205
She knew he was up to something.
272
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,913
I love that you two are so close.
273
00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:44,968
Yeah.
274
00:09:44,969 --> 00:09:47,104
Well... you do for family.
275
00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:49,552
And there it was.
276
00:09:49,553 --> 00:09:51,376
[Game piece clatters]
277
00:09:51,377 --> 00:09:53,653
Welcome to my empire, Yakutsk.
278
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:56,149
Rusty, you know what? You're right.
This is fun.
279
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:57,238
Oh, sure.
280
00:09:57,239 --> 00:10:00,253
Yeah, you got to relive the old days
while you have the chance.
281
00:10:00,254 --> 00:10:02,190
Like, remember when we were little?
282
00:10:02,191 --> 00:10:03,494
Remember that one time?
283
00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:06,910
You pretended to be dead. [Chuckles]
284
00:10:06,911 --> 00:10:08,117
And I cried. [Chuckles]
285
00:10:08,118 --> 00:10:11,310
And you still pretended to
be dead, so I cried more.
286
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,686
And then you laughed and called me a moron
287
00:10:13,687 --> 00:10:16,733
and tickled me till peed
myself [Chuckles] and I cried.
288
00:10:16,734 --> 00:10:18,478
What? I never did that.
289
00:10:18,479 --> 00:10:19,606
Sure you did.
290
00:10:19,607 --> 00:10:21,454
You used to do that stuff
to me all the time.
291
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,926
Ah, you don't know what
you're talking about.
292
00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:24,622
Like what kind of stuff?
293
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,421
Well, you told me Jesus didn't love me.
294
00:10:27,422 --> 00:10:30,510
That one hurt because all
the kids at Sunday school
295
00:10:30,511 --> 00:10:32,733
always said, "Jesus loves me."
296
00:10:32,734 --> 00:10:36,366
So I thought, "man, this
Jesus guy loves everybody.
297
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:37,774
What's his beef with me?"
298
00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:40,190
Wow. Rusty, I'm sorry.
299
00:10:40,191 --> 00:10:41,398
There was this one time
300
00:10:41,399 --> 00:10:42,814
you locked me in the closet all night.
301
00:10:42,815 --> 00:10:45,702
And I cried, and you said
if I didn't stop crying,
302
00:10:45,703 --> 00:10:48,440
then Bobby Sherman would kill our mom.
303
00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:51,228
- Bobby Sherman the singer?
- Yeah.
304
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:53,235
Why would you believe that
Bobby Sherman the singer
305
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,437
was gonna kill mom?
306
00:10:54,438 --> 00:10:56,220
Because I believed everything you told me.
307
00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:57,876
Like, remember in high school?
308
00:10:57,877 --> 00:10:59,692
I wanted to be a meteorologist,
309
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,452
but you told me my body would look womanly
310
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,605
against the weather map.
311
00:11:03,606 --> 00:11:06,829
That's when I got into
the old pet-dirt biz.
312
00:11:07,254 --> 00:11:09,915
And we all know how that worked out.
313
00:11:12,331 --> 00:11:15,514
Wow, Sue [Chuckles] you were right.
314
00:11:15,515 --> 00:11:17,938
"You've got mail" is a great rom-com.
315
00:11:17,939 --> 00:11:20,473
I don't know how I've gone
this long without seeing it.
316
00:11:20,474 --> 00:11:23,225
Did you get how Meg Ryan was
falling in love with Tom Hanks
317
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:25,057
without realizing that he was the one
318
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:26,274
running her out of business?
319
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:27,393
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
320
00:11:27,394 --> 00:11:29,847
That was super clear. Yeah. [Grunts]
321
00:11:29,848 --> 00:11:31,897
Well, Devin and I are heading out.
322
00:11:31,898 --> 00:11:34,617
There are cleanish towels in the bathroom.
323
00:11:34,618 --> 00:11:35,865
And I'll see you in the morning.
324
00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:37,844
- Where are you guys going?
- Devin: A party.
325
00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,489
We'd invite you, but, uh,
326
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,809
you got that orientation
thing in the morning.
327
00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:42,145
Mnh. [Chuckles]
328
00:11:42,146 --> 00:11:44,177
Sue figured she had two choices...
329
00:11:44,178 --> 00:11:47,034
Get mad that Axl was
pretending to be nice to her
330
00:11:47,035 --> 00:11:48,048
just to impress Devin
331
00:11:48,049 --> 00:11:49,896
or get even.
332
00:11:49,897 --> 00:11:52,824
Actually, I would love
to meet all your friends
333
00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:55,942
and tell them how we're gonna be
East Indy Twinsies next year!
334
00:11:55,943 --> 00:11:57,328
Guess which one she picked.
335
00:11:58,987 --> 00:12:01,464
Okay, never thought I'd
be at a robotics exhibit
336
00:12:01,465 --> 00:12:03,943
with a bunch of middle-schoolers
on a Saturday night,
337
00:12:03,944 --> 00:12:05,302
but here we are.
338
00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:06,574
Life's a journey.
339
00:12:06,575 --> 00:12:08,127
No flash photography.
340
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:15,117
Don't say anything. Don't
say anything, Frankie.
341
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:16,990
Don't say anything.
342
00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:18,749
Excuse me. I just have to say one thing.
343
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,805
You know, you said the kids were fine,
344
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,409
but the truth is, your kid was fine.
345
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,521
My kid was not fine.
346
00:12:24,522 --> 00:12:27,705
My kid sat by himself for
the whole two-hour ride,
347
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,785
so maybe it would have been a little finer
348
00:12:29,786 --> 00:12:32,081
if you had told your kid
to sit next to my kid
349
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,809
because 13-year-old boys are horrible.
350
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,281
You can't just let them
make their own decisions.
351
00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:36,617
If it was up to them,
352
00:12:36,618 --> 00:12:37,769
they would have ice cream for breakfast.
353
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:39,825
But we don't give them ice
cream for breakfast, right?
354
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,457
[Stammers] I don't.
355
00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:43,066
I mean, I have, if it's their birthday
356
00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:45,514
or we're out of milk, but not usually.
357
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,042
The point is, you're teaching your kid
358
00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:49,218
to just look out for number one,
359
00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:51,610
and now he's gonna grow up to run companies
360
00:12:51,611 --> 00:12:52,954
and wreck wall street!
361
00:12:52,955 --> 00:12:55,247
Now, do you know if we keep
the 3D glasses or not?
362
00:12:55,248 --> 00:12:56,712
Ugh, forget it! I'll ask somebody else!
363
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:01,719
[Sighs]
364
00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:06,831
Hey, mom.
365
00:13:06,832 --> 00:13:09,047
Looks like somebody had an appointment
366
00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:11,431
at the angry salon for a "mad-icure."
367
00:13:11,432 --> 00:13:12,903
[Sighs] You heard that, huh?
368
00:13:12,904 --> 00:13:14,929
Well [Stammers] I was right.
369
00:13:14,930 --> 00:13:17,273
I-I have the blood of righteousness
370
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:18,522
coursing through my veins.
371
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:21,386
Mm, this might be more
about you than Brick.
372
00:13:21,387 --> 00:13:23,362
He's having a great time.
373
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:25,618
I mean, even if he was
bothered by what happened,
374
00:13:25,619 --> 00:13:27,706
he has a good coping mechanism.
375
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,418
We all need coping mechanisms.
376
00:13:30,419 --> 00:13:33,281
Like, I was upset that Shelly
was getting married today...
377
00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:36,138
But now I'm not even thinking about her.
378
00:13:36,139 --> 00:13:38,418
It's almost like she's begging me
379
00:13:38,419 --> 00:13:39,465
to interrupt the wedding.
380
00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:43,872
[Sighs] It's just, being
a parent to Brick is hard.
381
00:13:43,873 --> 00:13:44,942
It's just so hard.
382
00:13:44,943 --> 00:13:46,695
And, I mean, I was spoiled
383
00:13:46,696 --> 00:13:49,893
because, with Axl, it was all so easy.
384
00:13:49,894 --> 00:13:51,238
He always had friends.
385
00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:54,165
Way to blow that wide-open lay-up, dude.
386
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,646
I totally saved you with
that sick three from...
387
00:13:55,647 --> 00:13:57,530
Hey, do they want to ride with Brandon?
388
00:13:57,531 --> 00:13:58,965
He's got room in his car. He...
389
00:13:58,966 --> 00:14:00,613
Oh, they're fine. Good game. Bye!
390
00:14:00,614 --> 00:14:03,540
Oh, my God.
391
00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:05,972
I did it, too.
392
00:14:05,973 --> 00:14:09,012
I was one of the "they're fine" moms.
393
00:14:09,013 --> 00:14:10,092
Ugh. See?
394
00:14:10,093 --> 00:14:12,357
This is why I don't sign
up for field trips.
395
00:14:12,358 --> 00:14:13,829
Well, you can't beat yourself up.
396
00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:14,908
We all make mistakes.
397
00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:17,861
The important thing is to
learn from them and move on.
398
00:14:19,172 --> 00:14:20,473
Seriously, though, the wedding's
399
00:14:20,474 --> 00:14:22,652
over at the first Baptist
Church on Elm Street.
400
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,729
Should I do it?
401
00:14:25,773 --> 00:14:26,908
Ah.
402
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,297
I lost again.
403
00:14:29,298 --> 00:14:32,269
Hey, I should bring my duffel bag up here.
404
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:33,273
[Chuckles]
405
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:34,927
Now, when I'm at a bar,
406
00:14:34,928 --> 00:14:38,127
I won't have to ask women to
go back to the tire room.
407
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:41,448
Now I can ask them to come
back to my boyhood room.
408
00:14:41,449 --> 00:14:43,031
And if they think that's weird,
409
00:14:43,032 --> 00:14:46,016
I'll just tell them, "it's okay.
My mom's dead."
410
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:47,407
[Chuckles]
411
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,255
Hey, Rusty, do you ever think that, uh,
412
00:14:51,256 --> 00:14:53,828
you know, the way I treated
you when we were growing up
413
00:14:53,829 --> 00:14:55,008
is maybe the reason...
414
00:14:55,968 --> 00:14:59,295
Why you are, you know, the way you are?
415
00:14:59,296 --> 00:15:00,760
How am I?
416
00:15:00,761 --> 00:15:02,747
- Well, great.
- Oh, thank you.
417
00:15:02,748 --> 00:15:06,371
I just mean y-your life is
a little unconventional.
418
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:07,922
You live here. You don't own a home.
419
00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:09,891
Yeah, no mortgage to pay.
420
00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:11,740
That's got to weigh on you, huh?
421
00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:16,755
Well, I mean, y-you don't
have much stability.
422
00:15:16,756 --> 00:15:17,835
You don't have a steady job.
423
00:15:17,836 --> 00:15:19,822
You don't have a serious relationship.
424
00:15:19,823 --> 00:15:20,857
Right.
425
00:15:20,858 --> 00:15:23,964
And you got to go home to
that short, angry lady, huh?
426
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,347
I don't think you get what I'm saying here.
427
00:15:25,348 --> 00:15:30,211
There's something fulfilling
about raising a family.
428
00:15:30,212 --> 00:15:33,003
Yeah, but I don't have to worry
429
00:15:33,004 --> 00:15:35,108
about getting three girls into college.
430
00:15:36,956 --> 00:15:38,101
Neither do I.
431
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:40,131
That's a great attitude, Mike. [Chuckles]
432
00:15:40,132 --> 00:15:43,435
If they really want it,
they'll work for it.
433
00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:44,611
Ah.
434
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:46,563
Listen, I know you've...
435
00:15:46,564 --> 00:15:49,264
You've made some bad choices
in life, and, uh...
436
00:15:49,265 --> 00:15:51,004
- [Scoffs]
- I feel for you, buddy.
437
00:15:51,005 --> 00:15:54,535
Hey, you want me to take you
out and buy you a beer?
438
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:56,047
I won't be buying.
439
00:15:56,048 --> 00:15:57,408
I'm just using that as an expression.
440
00:16:00,264 --> 00:16:02,583
Can't. Got to get home.
441
00:16:02,584 --> 00:16:04,759
You know, the short, angry lady and all.
442
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,728
- [Sighs]
- Yeah.
443
00:16:06,729 --> 00:16:10,034
[Upbeat music playing]
444
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,036
[Sighs] Hey, what's up, bro?
445
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,038
Oh, hey.
446
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,140
By the way, Sue, very cute hoodie.
447
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,842
[Chuckling] Oh, thanks!
448
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:19,978
Axl, do you think my hoodie is cute?
449
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,112
Yeah. It's cute.
450
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:23,181
Aww. What else about me
do you think is cute?
451
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:24,716
Everything. Everything is cute.
452
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,651
- Oh!
- This party's dead. Let's go.
453
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,019
Ooh! I love this song!
454
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,921
Come on, Axl. Dance with me.
455
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,556
Nobody else is dancing.
456
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,192
Ooh! Well, someone's got to start.
457
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:37,662
Who better than a loving
brother and sister?
458
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:38,930
You don't mind, do you, Devin?
459
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,499
No. Go for it. I'm gonna get a drink.
460
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,601
Okay.
461
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,603
[Humming] I know what you're up to.
462
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,605
Oh, yeah? Well, I know what you're up to.
463
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,508
So, if I were you, I would
start voguing real fast.
464
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,876
Or what?
465
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:54,779
Or I tell Devin every mean thing
you've ever done to me...
466
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,814
How you glued my toothpaste to my hand,
467
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,183
how you glued your dirty
underwear to my head,
468
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,585
every glue story!
469
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,053
And I'll tell her about the farting,
470
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:06,124
yeah, all the farting,
every day for 18 years,
471
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,059
19 if you count the times that
you farted on mom's stomach
472
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:09,560
when she was pregnant with me, which I do.
473
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:10,628
Twirl me!
474
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:12,063
You can't tell her any of that stuff.
475
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,131
Bro code!
476
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,815
Oh, I am not a bro. I am a "so."
477
00:17:15,816 --> 00:17:17,502
I am a sis!
478
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:19,137
I am your worst nightmare is what I am.
479
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:21,939
So you're gonna be nice to me,
and you're gonna like it,
480
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,776
or I will burn this thing down.
481
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,177
So, here's how it's gonna go down.
482
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:27,612
When we go back to your place,
483
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,580
you and I are going to
cuddle under a blanket
484
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,482
on the couch and take a picture of it,
485
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,585
like I have been begging you
to do since Christmas 2007.
486
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:37,055
I am going to put that
picture on a photo blanket
487
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,656
and we'll take a picture of that
488
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,058
and then we'll keep going
489
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,527
until we're cuddling under
photo blankets into infinity!
490
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,062
You're the devil!
491
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,130
Oh, well, just so you know,
she's watching right now.
492
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:48,599
[Music continues]
493
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,636
[Finger snaps]
494
00:17:53,707 --> 00:17:56,779
Oh, hey. Wait up. No, no, no.
495
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:57,996
Uh, uh, uh, don't be afraid.
[Chuckles nervously]
496
00:17:57,997 --> 00:18:00,412
I-I-I'm done with that. I-I'm sorry.
497
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,092
I overreacted.
498
00:18:02,093 --> 00:18:04,424
Kids are gonna sit where they sit.
They're 13.
499
00:18:04,425 --> 00:18:05,745
You can't make them do what
they don't want to do.
500
00:18:05,746 --> 00:18:07,879
That's okay. I...
501
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:08,887
No, no, no, no.
502
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,464
You were just looking out for
your kid, and I get that.
503
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,624
I have a cool kid, too... my oldest.
504
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:14,976
Not that I don't love this one.
505
00:18:14,977 --> 00:18:16,385
I do. [Laughs nervously]
506
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,761
Anyway... I'm sorry.
507
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:21,074
[Sighs]
508
00:18:23,387 --> 00:18:26,314
Oh, what fun! [Giggles]
509
00:18:27,544 --> 00:18:31,159
Oh, Axl, I need the numbers
of everyone I met tonight.
510
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,431
That way, I can text them.
511
00:18:32,432 --> 00:18:34,751
Fine. Whatever. I'm going to bed.
512
00:18:34,752 --> 00:18:35,986
[Switch clicks]
513
00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:39,991
Mm. Oh, oh, Axl, uh, cuddle picture.
514
00:18:39,992 --> 00:18:41,368
Axl!
515
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:43,280
Cuddle picture.
516
00:18:43,281 --> 00:18:45,191
[Switch clicks]
517
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,009
[Laughs]
518
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:49,872
♪ Cuddle picture ♪
519
00:18:49,873 --> 00:18:51,464
Okay.
520
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:52,975
- One, two, three.
- [Camera shutter clicks]
521
00:18:52,976 --> 00:18:56,222
Ooh! Now let's do one where all
you can see is our eyes.
522
00:18:56,223 --> 00:18:57,583
[Laughs]
523
00:18:57,584 --> 00:18:59,983
- [Camera shutter clicks]
- Ahh!
524
00:18:59,984 --> 00:19:02,354
Ooh, now let's do one where
we tickle each other.
525
00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:04,731
[Gasps] Tickle. Axl, tickle!
526
00:19:04,732 --> 00:19:05,884
- Stop, Sue.
- [Camera shutter clicks]
527
00:19:05,885 --> 00:19:07,730
- Tickle!
- Sue, stop it!
528
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,277
Aah! That's it! I'm done!
529
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,185
Brothers and sisters should
not love each other!
530
00:19:11,186 --> 00:19:12,186
It's unnatural!
531
00:19:12,187 --> 00:19:14,303
We're not supposed to get close
till mom and dad start dying!
532
00:19:14,304 --> 00:19:16,076
He's a fraud, Devin!
533
00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:18,039
He's done a lot of bad
things to me with glue.
534
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,477
He's been playing you!
535
00:19:19,478 --> 00:19:21,515
Actually, I've been playing him.
536
00:19:21,516 --> 00:19:24,913
Axl, all that crap about it
being super important to me
537
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,075
that you get along with your sister...
not so much.
538
00:19:27,076 --> 00:19:29,351
April fools', sucka.
539
00:19:29,352 --> 00:19:32,339
[Gasps] You made me kiss my sister's head.
540
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:34,555
Yeah. That was awesome.
Did not see that coming.
541
00:19:34,556 --> 00:19:37,212
Sorry, Sue. I didn't mean
to make you my pawn.
542
00:19:37,213 --> 00:19:39,625
[Scoffs] Are you kidding? It was great.
543
00:19:39,626 --> 00:19:41,559
He kissed me on the head
544
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:42,802
and he cuddled me
545
00:19:42,803 --> 00:19:44,985
and I have pictures to prove it.
546
00:19:44,986 --> 00:19:46,285
[Chuckles]
547
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,778
Oh! Sean Donahue liked it.
548
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,267
Yep, no matter how you got there,
549
00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:52,587
your brother being nice to you
550
00:19:52,588 --> 00:19:54,332
is your brother being nice to you.
551
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:57,495
[Vehicle approaching]
552
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,529
Oh, no, that's dad.
553
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,465
And there's 15 microwaves on the curb.
554
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,266
He told me never to touch his stuff.
555
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,402
He's gonna kick me out...
556
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:06,671
Just when I got my bitchin' room back.
557
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,739
Go out the window.
558
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,008
You were gone all day. I'll take the hit.
559
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,343
[Chuckles]
560
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,714
Hey, thanks, Mike.
561
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,884
You're a great brother.
562
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,453
You got to love April fools' day.
563
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,055
You never know what... or who...
564
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,024
Is gonna take you by surprise.
565
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,592
I want you to sit over here.
566
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,394
Parker: What? Why?
567
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,063
It's crowded where you are.
Just move over here, please.
568
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,800
But Dante and I were... Parker, now.
569
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,374
- Hey.
- Hey.
570
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:52,016
At the end of the day, it's nice to know
571
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:54,419
that, as moms, we all share a bond.
572
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,455
We're all joined together
in one, big club where...
573
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:59,724
Brick, what are you doing here?
574
00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:01,426
Eh, I'm done.
575
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,827
I sat with him for a whole minute.
576
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,762
I figured I should go out on a high.
577
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,030
I left in the middle of a sentence
578
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,799
so we wouldn't have any awkward silences.
579
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,268
There's nothing awkward about that.
580
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,470
Oh, and I left my lunch
box back at the museum.
581
00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:13,671
[Sighs]
582
00:21:13,672 --> 00:21:14,972
April fools'!
583
00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:15,973
I didn't.
584
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:17,842
It was my sweatshirt.
585
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,343
April fools'!
586
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:21,612
It was my lunch box and my sweatshirt.
587
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,449
[Sighs]
588
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:26,711
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -